Tuesday afternoon i found myself on the E train heading to JFK. The E train sucks. the people on the e-train lack home training. A few high lights include but are not limited to; 40 minutes of repetitive gassing by someone in a serious intestinal battle, to the point the air took on a yellowed mustered gas hue. Ned the Nail clipper decided it was appropriate to clip his nails standing up in the middle of the car. What happened at home that you had to leave so fast to need to finish that portion of your grooming on the train? And how have your nail gotten so far away from you that they have reached the ‘these need to be cut right now regardless of my location’ stage?
Personal grooming on the E train from heavy lox on Vimeo.
E train, AirTrain, JFK NYC to Miami. American airlines also sucks, international and domestic flights all checking into a the same 4 tired over worked agent booths. lines of black hats, italians, hipsters, euro trash, Chipper Brits, angry americans (ill be in that category for this portion of the adventure), it was the noahs arc of travelers ready to be saved by the check in gods.
2005, Cormac McCarthy, No Country for Old Men, page 86:
- You’re already in a jackpot, he said. I’m tryin to get you out of it.
My Miami expectations were shattered, in sense they were the first victims of what seemed like a 6 day gauntlet run at avoiding jam-up after jam-up. I thought i was going to the land of beach bums and 4:30pm dinner specials. What i got was a Dead downtown, with vacancies out the ass, but the urgent need to continue massive amounts of construction on the edges of the city as if they were preparing for a mass migration i was unaware of. A booming vagrant community, only out numbered by the number of police patrol cars out and about. Miami PD would do well investing in oil futures. In NYC the police cars say “courtesy professionalism & respect” , were i to suggest a similarly ironic slogan for the Miami PD, “went green” comes to mind. Blocks and blocks of low rise housing projects, layed out but some drunk in the sun city planners that im sure planned the city on the beach with unequal parts Rum and left handed stick drawing in the sand by right handed individuals looking backwards into a shattered mirror. The Knaty has a GOOD sense of direction but even with I&iphone powered navigation we spent as much time in search of our destinations as we did at the destination. The journey was truely the trip and it took us in to all corners of the city save those the resembled any places ive ever been. In Hotel i saw on the news a burger King near us was robbed for the second time in as many weeks. When reached for comment the manager was quoted as saying,’ this time they had guns, last time it was only knives’. The next story was about a woman, also not far from us, who was gunned down in her idling car, by machine gun fire. In the process of her body being riddled with automatic gun fire her foot came off the brake and polcie arrived to a car drive in circles with a dead woman at the the wheel. So now im in the market to get a winter spot in miami. Did I mention while waiting for a friend to get some falafel I found i had inadvertently jack-potted myself into having front row seats to an 8 way tranny fight rivaling any jerry springer meets UFC in a WWF theatrical release intended for adult audiences only. To say the least i was stunned. To say a bit more i was confused and all of a sudden i regretted not paying attention in gender politics class. What is going on, is this assault or just a brawl involving costumes, my brain hurt trying to sort it out…There was at least one real woman involved, but she was huge and in no real danger of ending up on the losing side of any brutality, to the contrary she was handing out a sever ass whipping to a pretty stocking dude who it seemed threw the fisrt blow, at least ouside. The jackpot spilled out of the club. In fact as i was waiting on my my man to get his food there was what i thought was a hooker a door down form the food spot, basically inbetween the food spot and the club. Shelly thunder well call her, him as it may well be. At any rate shes posted up tossing he ass and hips around trying to catch anything with two legs walking by. Being amused at this slice of Miamica, i was watching. Shelly thunder saw me and tossed me an ass sashay. Your barking up the wrong tree here lady, im just here to take in the show, im audience not an actor, I thought. In my mind i was thinking it would be funny if she was hooking out side a gay club, she really would be barking up the wrong neck of the woods, little did i know i was about to find out it was a gay club of sorts, is at tranny club a gay club? shit i dont know how to classify it. anyway. Shelly thunder waltzed over the slip out of the club, where the bur-ha-ha was about to begin.
lets go to the granny I&iphone Video:
miamiISWild from heavy lox on Vimeo.
Tags: heavylox
Fucking Hilarious!
[...] of the e-train in the fun video intermission i too to film Ole Boy clipping his nails on the train, here, and or you can see it directly on [...]
I lived in NYC for 10+ years. I can deal with homeless folks getting naked and putting on make up, junkies shitting their pants, Chinese dudes playing with their 10″ facial mole hair, & crazy religious ladies doing that roseary thing…. but nail clipping is FFFFFFFing gross x10. I can’t take that shiiiiiiit!.