E train Hijinks

Mothers day for a new mother, Big Deal. What to get. No baseball bat presents would do. My father used to call gifts that you will get as much joy out of, as the person getting it, a baseball bat gift. Nothing regarding any sort of house maintenance. A new laptop it was. Decided. I hopped the E-train to 14th street and walked over to the apple store. I knew what i wanted. I had a Print out of what i wanted. There was almost a one to one costumer to apple sales representative  ratio going until I ruined the sweet spot by making one too many customers swimming in the sea of blue shirted apple staff. Finally I was spotted, by Johnny up-sale who was still delirious from his last sale kill. HE swaggered over to me and asked if he could help. Yes, i want a laptop with the following things, a- zed of what it needed followed. Will you be needing any peripheries with that? Mouse, keyboard usb Hub? No just the Laptop with afore mention specs, thanks. How bout a monitor? Nope, Im not sure if you seen the laptops you guys sell but they have monitors, keyboards and mouse pads built right in there, so just the laptop, please. Uh, ok. How bout Apple Care? No, I trust the expert manufacturing and design of apple. Well if you trust us then that even more reason to get the Apple Care, as with it you get so much more… NO thanks JUST the laptop. Poor Johnny Up-sale didn’t quite no what to do, selling me a laptop that already cost 2k wasnt enough for him, he need to feel that high of selling some idiot some crap they could get cheaper somewhere else and further more may have no need for to begin with. I hate being sold to, however i respect the hell out of a good sales man. Johnny was not a good salesman. A good salesman knows his costumer. Johnny should have known i wasn’t a first time apple customer, and seen i knew what i wanted and this was a simple opportunity to keep his numbers going and quickly move on to the next kill. This was not the big one and trying to make it such was a waste of all of our times.

In New York there are several city bus tour outfits, their representatives can be found on almost all the corners surrounding times square and Rockafeller Center. It seems more often then Not these representatives are immigrants. Which is awesome for several reasons, not least ironic of which is that people not from here are taking other people not from here and showing them around. AS if regular new Yorkers are so underwhelmed by the sights of NYC they couldn’t be fucked to show them off. What is most intriguing about these guys is that they need to be able to spot Visitors from Residence, in a place that is newly home. Every now and then Ill pass a new guy, Johnny Up-sale-came-lately and hell try and sign me up for a bus tour.

At any rate, i got the laptop and got back on the E-train to head back to work. On the second stop some ladies, and i use that term lightly got on what was a semi crowded lunchtime train car. The leader of the lady Trio loudly announced it smelled like shit on the train. It smell like shit up in here. It smell like Bayby shit here. And not the young baby shit nether. Dam, yall smell that?  Neither of the other two smelled it but were quick to call leader lady crazy. Nah it smell up in here, shit. Somehow this motivated lady number two to pop off with some perfume from her purse. And she proceeded to Douse her self with it. Her last 5 mists were aim right at her cooter area. LIke IN her home plate diamond. Really? Lady what are you thinking, what could possibly be the point of that? Do you often find people sniffin your jeans crotch to see if your the one who is stinkin? Do you have some sort of issue that should have maybe been resolved in the shower this morning before hitting mass transit with some of your less then tactful friends; whom accidentally, no pun in tended, air you out in public?
Anyway theres nothing like ridding the train to remind you of why you dont like riding the train.

E-train Scribble Scrabble: illustration by heavylox